Gong Xi Fat Choi

Happy lunar new year my friends. My first post from iphone. It is so much easier to update blog from iphone. Will update more often.

F.u.t.u.r.e.

When we were single, preparing for a wedding, we had much anxiety on what will the future hold for us. Would it be a happy ever after as in Disney movie, or some said, wedding is brighter when you’re not in that institution. I sometimes questioned, will it bring more headache and burden for us, or, rather than a simple life, a happy single life?

For us, it turns out to be a great journey. Everything turns into its places, it’s probably true when there’s a saying, the best is YET to come. Life is settling down. I guess, “knowing that whatever happens, you can always find your anchor” really helps. In life, which is your ultimate God and in everyday, your other half.

The other milestone for us to complete our life as husband and wife is of course becoming a parents. We tried not to hurry it, as wedding itself brings a lot of changes in life, we would like to take it slowly, enjoy the precious time when there’re only 2 of us. Embrace greater responsibility when the time comes. Well, somehow we try to take control of the time haha.

When I was single, I always heard my boyfriend saying that you are ready for a marriage only when:

1.       You are BORED being single

2.       You enjoyed the FULLEST of your life as marriage comes with responsibility, especially when you are a mom/dad

3.       You can ACCEPT your partner weaknesses and can LIVE it with it

4.       Accept the FACT that you can never CHANGE your partner, you can be a reason of your partner changing, but you can never be the change agent

We clearly discussed about this and we openly share when we are not comfortable yet, or we are now ready to tick mark point no. 1, 2, or 3. It takes times, first stage is controlling self, and secondly is accepting others. So, if you ask me, Sorry, I don’t believe love at the first sight. I do not believe people can get married within 3 months of knowing each other. When you do that, you are actually GAMBLE. It could turns out to be a great match made in heaven (God speed), or a complete waste of time.

Similar with marriage, we want to take time before taking up a greater responsibility as a parents, there’s no wrong or right to wait for a children. It is true when people say, “When you decided to wed, you have to be ready to become a parents”. We just have to aware that we are not young (30+ aaaaa). So wait a while, and hopefully all falls per plan. #Amen#

Now, I start having silly thought, should I become a working mom or stay-at-home mom. Being a SAHM seems to be an easy way out when you are stressed with work and darn traffic of JKT. But everybody knows, SAHM need sacrifice, loosing most of your social life and what I’m afraid most is loose all my confidence and sense of achievement. Being a mom itself is an achievement, don’t get me wrong. But being a SAHM, where 24/7 staying at home taking care of a baby can be overwhelming. In the other hands, of course we want our kids grows in the perfect situation, with full watch of their mom/dad (choose both if you have full financial liberty or support). I salute you.

I’m sad when I see some of the working-mom in my office or old offices. With the traffic in JKT, they need to leave their home at 6 AM, and do some overtime (especially when they have a lot of responsibility at office) and arrive home at 8 PM. The title of working-mom does not lessen their responsibility of a mom. It’s the same, they just need to compromise more and I know compromising for your children, is nothing easy. In my opinion, I salute you no less. In my point of view, SAHM is an option you can make (anyway you made that decision), while in many cases, being a working mom is resulted from lack of option (financial stability). Am not talking about being a working mom due to preference ya.  

Both ways, SAHM and working mom, you are a MOM. No one can challenge your decision. For me, I am now in between, but I think I am more towards a working mom, but striving to get a job that requires less working hour and less stress, but it is highly possible for me to become SAHM once I have 2 kids, it’s about the economic of scale! Haha.  The one I don’t want to become is a SAHM who has so low confidence that they have to “attack” working mom and brands working mom as an irresponsible mom that neglect their children, or even worst is so low confidence that she is not happy of her life.

But for now, I’m craving for two random things:

1.       Nasi Lawar Babi di Bali – one of the best-est dish I ever had in life!

2.       How to buy horse oil shampoo in Jakarta. Carry it from Japan is way too much!

Nasi lawar, dimana kauu?? Aku kangen sama kamuuuu…

Gejala sakit mental

Annoying

Yesterday (friday) was such a great day to end the week until an unfortunate incident where my cellphone was stolen.

Its just me being naive to trust other people, everybody knows that trans jakarta is not safe with many pick pockets. Why am i so reckless, putting my cellphone in my pocket.

Well it has happened.

See this on the bright side, its probably time to shift from Samsung to iPhone. Thank you hubby to buy me one, til that day, your ipad is mine every single night. Muachh

So still something to be grateful of.

happy ya ya ya happy ye ye ye

12 working days before long-awaited holiday! Yihaaaa.. muach muach, asek asek!

Setelah 5 tahun ga menyambangi Jepang, akhirnya kita ke Jepang jugak!! My God! #lebay#

Dulu, gw sempet bermimpi untuk one day ke Jepang lagi dan kali ini purely for leisure, bareng dengan suami atau temen2, pokoknya ga buat kerja, ga buat tinggal di apartement sendirian deh. Demi rencana mulia itu, gw maksa untuk keep uang yen sisa gaji dan berdoa kalau one day gw akan balik ke Jepang pake uang gaji jaman dulu.

Eh ternyata, setelah menunggu 4 tahun, gw akhirnya nyerah.. rencana ke jepang ga pernah kejadian. Sampe akhirnya gw jual semua Japanese Yen gw itu dengan harga yg murah ke temen kantor -_-

But good thing comes to those who wait, finally, gw pergi jugak! bareng sama suami yg juga sama semangatnya sama gw.

So, here we are. Ready, excited and somehow gw agak deg2an sangking happynya  demi menunggu hari dimana gw menginjak tanah di Tokyo lagi. Sebenernya sih, gw udah lupa apa rasanya tinggal di Tokyo. Gw uda ga pede juga untuk berkelana kemana-mana naik kereta disana. Bahkan gw mungkin uda keder untuk mesen makanan di restaurant pake gaya pantonim.

Tapi, rasanya sangat happy. Knowing that for this time, you come back to enjoy the most of Tokyo. Pertama kali gw menginjakkan kaki di Tokyo, I was afraid like hell! Bener-bener nekad dan saat itu, internet belom semarak seperti sekarang. Gw bahkan ga tau dengan jelas, cuaca, lokasi apartement, bahkan gw ga ada handphone dan laptop. Dan begonya ga sempet untuk cek bagaimana cara ke serviced apartement dari airport.

But then, I survived those and it has been a great journey.

So now. it's totally different. I arrived with my husband and with only 1 feeling, happy! no anxiety at all.

Keep you posted yah. hopefully can get some great pics to share. and wish for the smooth flight... I hate to fly!!!

Ready for vacation

Yihaa.. today is 2 hours before holiday week! I will not take a super long holiday from Christmas to New Year, but still, even I am not taking any, it’s clearly holiday mood J

Can’t wait ! Can’t wait !

With all the stressful events since wedding, a holiday getaway is badly needed. For past 4 months, I have been travelling 3 times, and 4 including the one coming next week. But when you are stress, once a month vacation is not enough. #alesan# Compare to the less stressful period in the past, I am content even with once a year vacation.

So now, we are embracing the 4^th one and this was decided yesterday. Ha! We didn’t plan for any vacation in Christmas to take care of Pai, but since she left us, we totally have nothing to do. Husband went to Padang for 1-day trip for biz, sent out a picture and we are sold. We will go to Padang for the first time! Yiha! Not for long though, only 24-26 Dec.

I’m so excited J *BIG GRIN*

For what I know, what’s coming next is only weekend, vacation and weekend! Every working day in between is ignored!

- happy but still missing you Pai -

Pai, you will be missed

Hej!

3 days after I wrote a post regarding my dog illness, she is gone. I really want to write a happy news full with miracles, but in reality a good things has so many different ways. For Pai, a good thing is really about going to rest forever, not in this world but the other world.

On monday morning, she was doing fine. When we say fine, it means that she has no drama in her usual morning, as she was having big trouble on breathing at morning time for past 1 week, she can lay down. Despite collapsed on Sunday noon, on the afternoon, she can even do a quick walk/run and knocking the door with her paw. It does seems that something better is coming. But then, it’s just a final energy she has.

On monday noon, she had seizures, she can’t even stand on her feet. Because she was having the heart enlargement, the ability of her heart pumping blood to her body is detoriated. As the result, her feet lost enough blood circulation and became stiff. She can only lay down on her side, while resting on her side means she doesn’t have enough strength to gasp for more oxygen. So, she was having severe breathing problem.

We immediately go home and decided instantly, we will not her wait in more pain. We decided to put her to sleep. We don’t want to push her to the edge, although we  know, even without our intervention, she only has few hours to hold on. She has been on oxygen for full 4 hours before the injection.  Seeing her suffer, is not in my option. So, putting her to sleep is definitely one thing I will do when the time comes. Hopefully, it is not way too late, because I won’t be able to put her to sleep while she’s still has sparkle in her eyes.

So, it happened. So quick, so calm. She left us, in tears and in relieve knowing that she’s no longer in pain.

Pai is our first and only dog for 9 years before we have addition of Twinkle.  Pai has been a family, we even joke every time that she’s the youngest daughter in family, and we even complete her name with our family name. For me, Pai has always been my first born. She has been with me since I was in university, for all of my milestones in life, she always there, to celebrate, to cry with. I even insisted to have her in our pre-wedding picture. I know she loved me so much, despite she normally only craved for food and have a mild form of dog-autism, I know that her feeling for me is different. Our bond is so strong, I gave my all for her, and so did she.

I lost a family, I lost a child. But I do believe that she’s happy now. I don’t know If dog goes to heaven, but I know my child is now in heaven, do what she likes most, eat and sleep. Til we meet again Pai. You don’t know how much I love you. I hope you’re happy while we’re together.

Missing you

Your mom

Letting go...

Lately, gw jarang banget post blog dan rasanya semua keinginan untuk post blog atau even blog walking pun hilang semua. Diluar masalah kesibukan kerja, di weekend pun sekarang gw jarang banget blog walking lagi. Uda 4 weekend terakhir, kita sekeluarga sibuk untuk urusin Pai, anjing gw yg udah berumur 12.5 tahun.

Sejak 4 minggu lalu, gw bener2 ga bisa tidur nyenyak setiap malam, ketakutan kalau besok paginya gw dikasih kabar kalau Pai meninggal. Pai itu anjing gw yg sejak gw merit, ditinggal di rumah parents gw karena lebih banyak yg bisa urusin dia disana daripada gw yg cuman ada di rumah dari jam 10.30 malam sampai jam 6 pagi.

4 minggu lalu, Pai mendadak batuk2, dan kalau dia batuk hebat, dia akan collapse dan duduk diem kepayahan. dan in no time, Pai berubah dari anjing yg gemuk jadi tinggal kulit dan tulang. Kita sampe pergi ke Pet Clinic berkali-kali dan X-ray berkali-kali, untuk menemukan kenyataan kalau ada sesuatu white-mass yg menekan paru-paru nya untuk bernafas. Setiap kali kita x-ray, hasilnya terus menerus memburuk dan sekarang Pai fully mengandalkan perutnya untuk bernafas karena paru-paru kirinya otomatis tertutup sepenuhnya.

2 dokter yg ada bilang kalau semua ini tinggal menunggu waktunya Pai menyerah. Sejujurnya, kita bahkan sudah menggali grave nya Pai karena minggu lalu, Pai ga bisa tidur sama sekali selama 2x24 jam karena Pai ga bisa nafas kalau rebahan, di dunia medis, keadaan ini dinamakan orthopnea. Selama itulah, kita juga ga bisa tidur. Pai sampai kita pakein mesin oksigen yg perlu kita pompa manually pake tangan. Tapi semua itu ga berhasil, Pai tetep ngos2an parah.

Selasa kemarin, kami memutuskan untuk cek ke Dr Cucu, yg kami dengar adalah dokter hewan terbaik di Jakarta. She is not a dissapoinment at all, karena finally kita dapat confirmation dari nama penyakit Pai, yaitu DCM (Dilated Cardiomyopathy).Kita memang sudah menerka penyakit ini, karena breed Cocker Spaniel adalah medium sized dog yg sering terkena penyakit ini secara inheritance. DCM adalah pembesaran jantung pada anjing, biasanya jenis doberman paling sering kena penyakit ini dan prognosis life expectancy once diagnose at early stage, can be as early as 42 days! in cat, it is even less, 2 weeks! in Cocker spaniel, it said, can be up to 11 months, tapi keadaan Pai sudah severe karena pembesaran jantung sudah hampir 50%. So, we are counting days.

We know DCM is irreversible and incurable illness, we know that prognosis of this illness is harsh, but we want Pai to feel comfortable. And we are not sure that we want to put her to sleep. All in all, she tries hard to survive, and we wonder if it is wise to let her decide when she want to leave us. A lot of "what if" questions in our mind, what if she survive? what if she want to live? Our vet (dokter hewan) said, "we shouldn't put her to sleep, we should give her a chance." But, looking at her suffering everyday, I'm so much in pain, and wonder if she want to end it as well?

Never mind about cost, despite we have spent a LOT of money for this. But, we will never stop anything to make her feel better, at any cost. As long as you are happy and comfortable Pai. We are longing for the day where Pai is crying for food again, do a afternoon walk, and even her wagging tail when we are home.

We want you to be better, to be happy, I can't ask you to be healthy again I know. But at least, you are eating. But if you decide to leave this world, I am proud to once be your mom, to held you and live a good life together. I don't know if dog goes to heaven or not, but I want to believe that one day we'll meet again. Along with family and friends. one day, we shall all leave this world, and in a place call heaven, we shall be together again. I love you, Pai.