Ready for vacation

Yihaa.. today is 2 hours before holiday week! I will not take a super long holiday from Christmas to New Year, but still, even I am not taking any, it’s clearly holiday mood J

Can’t wait ! Can’t wait !

With all the stressful events since wedding, a holiday getaway is badly needed. For past 4 months, I have been travelling 3 times, and 4 including the one coming next week. But when you are stress, once a month vacation is not enough. #alesan# Compare to the less stressful period in the past, I am content even with once a year vacation.

So now, we are embracing the 4^th one and this was decided yesterday. Ha! We didn’t plan for any vacation in Christmas to take care of Pai, but since she left us, we totally have nothing to do. Husband went to Padang for 1-day trip for biz, sent out a picture and we are sold. We will go to Padang for the first time! Yiha! Not for long though, only 24-26 Dec.

I’m so excited J *BIG GRIN*

For what I know, what’s coming next is only weekend, vacation and weekend! Every working day in between is ignored!

- happy but still missing you Pai -

Pai, you will be missed

Hej!

3 days after I wrote a post regarding my dog illness, she is gone. I really want to write a happy news full with miracles, but in reality a good things has so many different ways. For Pai, a good thing is really about going to rest forever, not in this world but the other world.

On monday morning, she was doing fine. When we say fine, it means that she has no drama in her usual morning, as she was having big trouble on breathing at morning time for past 1 week, she can lay down. Despite collapsed on Sunday noon, on the afternoon, she can even do a quick walk/run and knocking the door with her paw. It does seems that something better is coming. But then, it’s just a final energy she has.

On monday noon, she had seizures, she can’t even stand on her feet. Because she was having the heart enlargement, the ability of her heart pumping blood to her body is detoriated. As the result, her feet lost enough blood circulation and became stiff. She can only lay down on her side, while resting on her side means she doesn’t have enough strength to gasp for more oxygen. So, she was having severe breathing problem.

We immediately go home and decided instantly, we will not her wait in more pain. We decided to put her to sleep. We don’t want to push her to the edge, although we  know, even without our intervention, she only has few hours to hold on. She has been on oxygen for full 4 hours before the injection.  Seeing her suffer, is not in my option. So, putting her to sleep is definitely one thing I will do when the time comes. Hopefully, it is not way too late, because I won’t be able to put her to sleep while she’s still has sparkle in her eyes.

So, it happened. So quick, so calm. She left us, in tears and in relieve knowing that she’s no longer in pain.

Pai is our first and only dog for 9 years before we have addition of Twinkle.  Pai has been a family, we even joke every time that she’s the youngest daughter in family, and we even complete her name with our family name. For me, Pai has always been my first born. She has been with me since I was in university, for all of my milestones in life, she always there, to celebrate, to cry with. I even insisted to have her in our pre-wedding picture. I know she loved me so much, despite she normally only craved for food and have a mild form of dog-autism, I know that her feeling for me is different. Our bond is so strong, I gave my all for her, and so did she.

I lost a family, I lost a child. But I do believe that she’s happy now. I don’t know If dog goes to heaven, but I know my child is now in heaven, do what she likes most, eat and sleep. Til we meet again Pai. You don’t know how much I love you. I hope you’re happy while we’re together.

Missing you

Your mom

Letting go...

Lately, gw jarang banget post blog dan rasanya semua keinginan untuk post blog atau even blog walking pun hilang semua. Diluar masalah kesibukan kerja, di weekend pun sekarang gw jarang banget blog walking lagi. Uda 4 weekend terakhir, kita sekeluarga sibuk untuk urusin Pai, anjing gw yg udah berumur 12.5 tahun.

Sejak 4 minggu lalu, gw bener2 ga bisa tidur nyenyak setiap malam, ketakutan kalau besok paginya gw dikasih kabar kalau Pai meninggal. Pai itu anjing gw yg sejak gw merit, ditinggal di rumah parents gw karena lebih banyak yg bisa urusin dia disana daripada gw yg cuman ada di rumah dari jam 10.30 malam sampai jam 6 pagi.

4 minggu lalu, Pai mendadak batuk2, dan kalau dia batuk hebat, dia akan collapse dan duduk diem kepayahan. dan in no time, Pai berubah dari anjing yg gemuk jadi tinggal kulit dan tulang. Kita sampe pergi ke Pet Clinic berkali-kali dan X-ray berkali-kali, untuk menemukan kenyataan kalau ada sesuatu white-mass yg menekan paru-paru nya untuk bernafas. Setiap kali kita x-ray, hasilnya terus menerus memburuk dan sekarang Pai fully mengandalkan perutnya untuk bernafas karena paru-paru kirinya otomatis tertutup sepenuhnya.

2 dokter yg ada bilang kalau semua ini tinggal menunggu waktunya Pai menyerah. Sejujurnya, kita bahkan sudah menggali grave nya Pai karena minggu lalu, Pai ga bisa tidur sama sekali selama 2x24 jam karena Pai ga bisa nafas kalau rebahan, di dunia medis, keadaan ini dinamakan orthopnea. Selama itulah, kita juga ga bisa tidur. Pai sampai kita pakein mesin oksigen yg perlu kita pompa manually pake tangan. Tapi semua itu ga berhasil, Pai tetep ngos2an parah.

Selasa kemarin, kami memutuskan untuk cek ke Dr Cucu, yg kami dengar adalah dokter hewan terbaik di Jakarta. She is not a dissapoinment at all, karena finally kita dapat confirmation dari nama penyakit Pai, yaitu DCM (Dilated Cardiomyopathy).Kita memang sudah menerka penyakit ini, karena breed Cocker Spaniel adalah medium sized dog yg sering terkena penyakit ini secara inheritance. DCM adalah pembesaran jantung pada anjing, biasanya jenis doberman paling sering kena penyakit ini dan prognosis life expectancy once diagnose at early stage, can be as early as 42 days! in cat, it is even less, 2 weeks! in Cocker spaniel, it said, can be up to 11 months, tapi keadaan Pai sudah severe karena pembesaran jantung sudah hampir 50%. So, we are counting days.

We know DCM is irreversible and incurable illness, we know that prognosis of this illness is harsh, but we want Pai to feel comfortable. And we are not sure that we want to put her to sleep. All in all, she tries hard to survive, and we wonder if it is wise to let her decide when she want to leave us. A lot of "what if" questions in our mind, what if she survive? what if she want to live? Our vet (dokter hewan) said, "we shouldn't put her to sleep, we should give her a chance." But, looking at her suffering everyday, I'm so much in pain, and wonder if she want to end it as well?

Never mind about cost, despite we have spent a LOT of money for this. But, we will never stop anything to make her feel better, at any cost. As long as you are happy and comfortable Pai. We are longing for the day where Pai is crying for food again, do a afternoon walk, and even her wagging tail when we are home.

We want you to be better, to be happy, I can't ask you to be healthy again I know. But at least, you are eating. But if you decide to leave this world, I am proud to once be your mom, to held you and live a good life together. I don't know if dog goes to heaven or not, but I want to believe that one day we'll meet again. Along with family and friends. one day, we shall all leave this world, and in a place call heaven, we shall be together again. I love you, Pai.

Frequent Travelling, yes or no?

Motivasi gw nulis post ini karena gw lg baca Blog dimana sang Blogger dengan penuh emosi menjelaskan kalau orang2 byk yg being judgmental sama org2 yg decided utk mmemprioritaskan travelling diatas hal yg Mungkin lebih merupakan kebutuhan primer seperti rumah misalnya.

Sebenarnya ini topik yg biasa cuman yg bikin gw tertarik adalah level Emosi ya si Blogger Hehehe. Kata2nya cukup keras cenderung terlalu keras mnrt gw. Memang bagaimana seseorang spent his or her money is none of our biz, kecuali at some point their biz can be ours.

Ga ada yg Bener dan ga ada yg salah sih dalam keputusan masing2 orang,  at the end of the day, it's their own money,  it's their life. Buat gw yg sebenarnya pencinta travelling, gw juga pengen bisa menjelajah dunia. Mereka suka bilang, travelling bisa membuat kita jadi a better person krn kita Lebi terbuka dengan melihat dunia. To me,  what's makes you a better person is what coming out from you,  not what you received. Jadi clause yg ini ga bener.

Kembali ke topik semula, gw beberapa kali travelling tp jelas bukan traveller. Gw bisa aja pergi ke lebih banyak pelosok dunia ini, tapi ga gw lakukan. Kenapa?  Karena di kasus gw,  gw belum rela dan berani utk melihat potret masa depan dimana gw dan suami bisa melanglang buana di masa muda, tapi gw, suami dan anak kita nanti tinggal di rumah pinggiran krn kita ga sanggup beli a better one.

Gw bicara self suffice situation ya, dimana everything is on our own. If there's a privilege of somebody's else financing, then lucky you. Mungkin gw yg salah mengartikan situasi working class di jakarta mungkin, tp berdasarkan pengamatan dan pengalaman gw,  rumah di jakarta is Damn expensive and impossible to buy a decent house locating 1 hour journey from Sudirman area under 1 billion idr,  the truth is, rumah ruko di kawasan gw tinggal sekarang, yg daerahnya selalu banjir,  agak2 slum dan dijamin tape mobil ilang klo ditinggal 15 menit, guess what, it cost 2.5 billion. Btw, itu bukan rumah gw juga hehe.  Matik

Mau travel macam apa lagi.. Well I can do travel, indeed I will do it shortly but it's no longer a priority. Gw happy with my life, and I truly tthink that we've been blessed. Gw cuman ga happy aja sama si Blogger yg accusing ppl being this and that tanpa mengetahui dan mengerti keadaan org lain. Same case with that person, they shouldn't assume that traveller is a irresponsible people who travel but having no proper financial planning .

Topik ga penting