Lately, gw jarang banget post blog dan rasanya semua keinginan untuk post blog atau even blog walking pun hilang semua. Diluar masalah kesibukan kerja, di weekend pun sekarang gw jarang banget blog walking lagi. Uda 4 weekend terakhir, kita sekeluarga sibuk untuk urusin Pai, anjing gw yg udah berumur 12.5 tahun.
Sejak 4 minggu lalu, gw bener2 ga bisa tidur nyenyak setiap malam, ketakutan kalau besok paginya gw dikasih kabar kalau Pai meninggal. Pai itu anjing gw yg sejak gw merit, ditinggal di rumah parents gw karena lebih banyak yg bisa urusin dia disana daripada gw yg cuman ada di rumah dari jam 10.30 malam sampai jam 6 pagi.
4 minggu lalu, Pai mendadak batuk2, dan kalau dia batuk hebat, dia akan collapse dan duduk diem kepayahan. dan in no time, Pai berubah dari anjing yg gemuk jadi tinggal kulit dan tulang. Kita sampe pergi ke Pet Clinic berkali-kali dan X-ray berkali-kali, untuk menemukan kenyataan kalau ada sesuatu white-mass yg menekan paru-paru nya untuk bernafas. Setiap kali kita x-ray, hasilnya terus menerus memburuk dan sekarang Pai fully mengandalkan perutnya untuk bernafas karena paru-paru kirinya otomatis tertutup sepenuhnya.
2 dokter yg ada bilang kalau semua ini tinggal menunggu waktunya Pai menyerah. Sejujurnya, kita bahkan sudah menggali grave nya Pai karena minggu lalu, Pai ga bisa tidur sama sekali selama 2x24 jam karena Pai ga bisa nafas kalau rebahan, di dunia medis, keadaan ini dinamakan orthopnea. Selama itulah, kita juga ga bisa tidur. Pai sampai kita pakein mesin oksigen yg perlu kita pompa manually pake tangan. Tapi semua itu ga berhasil, Pai tetep ngos2an parah.
Selasa kemarin, kami memutuskan untuk cek ke Dr Cucu, yg kami dengar adalah dokter hewan terbaik di Jakarta. She is not a dissapoinment at all, karena finally kita dapat confirmation dari nama penyakit Pai, yaitu DCM (Dilated Cardiomyopathy).Kita memang sudah menerka penyakit ini, karena breed Cocker Spaniel adalah medium sized dog yg sering terkena penyakit ini secara inheritance. DCM adalah pembesaran jantung pada anjing, biasanya jenis doberman paling sering kena penyakit ini dan prognosis life expectancy once diagnose at early stage, can be as early as 42 days! in cat, it is even less, 2 weeks! in Cocker spaniel, it said, can be up to 11 months, tapi keadaan Pai sudah severe karena pembesaran jantung sudah hampir 50%. So, we are counting days.
We know DCM is irreversible and incurable illness, we know that prognosis of this illness is harsh, but we want Pai to feel comfortable. And we are not sure that we want to put her to sleep. All in all, she tries hard to survive, and we wonder if it is wise to let her decide when she want to leave us. A lot of "what if" questions in our mind, what if she survive? what if she want to live? Our vet (dokter hewan) said, "we shouldn't put her to sleep, we should give her a chance." But, looking at her suffering everyday, I'm so much in pain, and wonder if she want to end it as well?
Never mind about cost, despite we have spent a LOT of money for this. But, we will never stop anything to make her feel better, at any cost. As long as you are happy and comfortable Pai. We are longing for the day where Pai is crying for food again, do a afternoon walk, and even her wagging tail when we are home.
We want you to be better, to be happy, I can't ask you to be healthy again I know. But at least, you are eating. But if you decide to leave this world, I am proud to once be your mom, to held you and live a good life together. I don't know if dog goes to heaven or not, but I want to believe that one day we'll meet again. Along with family and friends. one day, we shall all leave this world, and in a place call heaven, we shall be together again. I love you, Pai.
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