Deg-deg an

People says, selalu ada kesulitan atau halangan berbeda-beda untuk para pasangan pengantin yg mempersiapkan pernikahan. Kadang finansial, kadang restu, kadang kestabilan emosi pasangan, kadang keluarga, kadang kerumitan dengan pengurusan resepsi, dan bbrp macam kesulitan lainnya. In our case, it is the marriage blessing.

Dan hal ini bener-bener membuat aku deg-deg-an, somehow setres dan in some time, merasa hopeless dalam menghadapi perhelatan akbar itu.

Kita berusaha keras untuk stay positif, stay semangat dan meredam rasa kecewa. Kita uda di point dimana kita uda all-out dan ga mau denial lagi. Marah ya marah, complaint ya complaint, dan setelah semua itu dilakukan, sekarang kita harus di posisi dimana kita berserah dan mengutip kata di bible "To forgive and to forget".

Lesson learn yg dari dulu aku alami adalah, "when your expectation were put so high, you will often dissapointed".  Not trying to become bitter, I've been living with very low expectation on others, situation and future. People might says that I am lacking of faith, I am too afraid to accept reality. It is most likely true, but that is how I survive dan ini juga yang membuat aku tidak pernah marah saat orang lain sudah merasa dikecewakan, tidak merasa ga puas pada saat orang terdekat aku ternyata tidak berbuat seperti yg seharusnya. I am happy with my decision.

In marriage blessing case, it is different. I was very asssured that everything will be alright and will be very smooth as I thought i've prepared it well. So, when things doesn't happen as per plan, I am dissapointed.

But, today, I want to stand up and forget all the things in past, I want to release forgiveness and more importantly knowing that everything happens for a reason, I beg forgiveness from God for all the mistakes we've done. Pray that God has a bigger plan for us, something we never imagined. So, I put my trust in Him, be His light shed our path, and we walk only by His grace.

UPDATE at 3:47 PM : I have talked with the church's rep and despite all the good and bad, we have finally decided where to get our blessing. It is such a relieved to finally share the burdens we have carried so far.

So, it's a matter of : TO FORGIVE and TO FORGET.